HUSH - Book - Page 41
HUSH – Breaking the Silence | Victim Support Scotland
When this all happened, my friends and family were fabulous with me. Although, for the first few days, my phone
wouldn't stop. People were just looking out for me, but it
was everyone. I had friends who were bringing me food to
the door so that I didn't have to be away from James too
long, cooking. I did have to switch my phone off at times
just to get a wee break from it, but I would say to people in
messages, "Switching my phone off for the rest of the
night." I got to the stage where I was telling friends and
family, "please give us the weekends, just for a couple of
days off a week. Just please don't message. If I need anything, I will let you know." Because it was getting too much.
They were only caring. They were only worried, and I
needed them to get through this.
In fact, if it wasn't for the people that I've dealt with at
Victim Support Scotland (VSS), I couldn't have got through
the last year. I will be forever grateful for what they have
done because I couldn't have done all that myself. Between
friends, family, and VSS, I had amazing support. I couldn't
have asked for anymore.
I kept James up to date with as much as I thought he
could handle. You've never been through this before and
you don't know what to do for the best.
I was absolutely devastated, watching him the way he
was, because you bring up your child to protect them as
much as you can, and I just couldn't protect him from any of
it. I feel like a failure. He was really, really hurting and to this
day he still won't talk about it. He bottles everything up.
I told the school everything, so they were aware in case
something was said to him. I wasn't sure how he would
react if somebody said anything to him. Thankfully, the
school kept a really close eye at that point. At the beginning, they were amazing, really amazing. They kept in touch
with me, checking in on us. His guidance teacher was
checking in on him every week, although not so much now.
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‘...You bring up your child to
protect them as much as you can,
and I just couldn’t protect him
from any of it. I feel like a failure.’
He won't speak to the counsellor, but if he does want to, he
goes to the top of the list because of the nature of the
death.
My dad had died only 10 months before, so James has
lost the two men in his life in that short space of time. He
won't even speak to me about it, and I'm scared, one of
these days, he just bursts or, thinking of the worst, does
something silly. It's been a constant worry.
He's done Karate since he was six, and he's given it up
because he used to do that with his dad. That's how much
it's affected him.
His dad is never going to be able to take him for his first
pint. I even need to get somebody to teach him how to
shave. I've got people that will do it for him, but it's his dad
that should be doing that. Somebody has taken that right
away from him. It's heart breaking to watch.
And this has been going on for so long. All these hearings have been postponed, will it go ahead, won't it? I need
to get back to work. We need to get our life back.