HUSH - Book - Page 39
page 39
HUSH – Breaking the Silence | Victim Support Scotland
The thought of going up to the morgue was terrifying
me because the only person I'd ever seen dead was my dad.
I never, ever wanted to see a body. The thought of standing
there, looking at a body that had been dead for a week
horrified me. I would have done it for him, but I didn't want
to do it at all.
After Cameron died, it was exactly two months to the
day when we had a funeral. We had to wait this long as this
man's solicitor wanted a second post-mortem, but he was
dragging his heels on it.
I had to arrange the funeral, which Victim Support
Scotland helped me with a lot. Cameron had life insurance,
but he hadn't made the last three payments on it, so it got
cancelled a month before he died. They wouldn't pay out, so
I got in touch with Social Security Scotland, who paid some,
and then the Criminal Injuries Board paid the other.
Although we weren't together, we were still legally married
because we were in the middle of a divorce when he died. I
was still next of kin, so I had to deal with the full funeral
myself.
I didn't want a lot of people there. It was COVID so we
didn't have a wake... because well, you couldn't. Instead, we
just went for lunch with Cameron's family. It was a case of
just supporting James that day, being there for him. I felt a
bit sick in the morning because I didn't know how it was
going to go. A bit shaky and really nervous but I managed to
hold it together for James. He was my only priority that day.
I'm more upset – not for myself – but at seeing James
the way he was, knowing that at such a young age, your life
has changed forever.
I didn't know where Cameron's phone was at this point.
I was really concerned that this man, the accused, had his
phone, because both mine and James's numbers were on
it. The police wouldn't tell me whether they had it or not.
They wouldn't even say if it was missing.
‘I had to arrange the funeral,
which Victim Support Scotland
helped me with a lot.’
The police were thinking of putting a marker on the
house for our safety. They decided they wouldn't because
this man and his family didn't know anything about me. But
they did put something on so that if I phone, my details
come up and I'm treated as a priority.
I might want to move house after all this, for a fresh
start. The Fiscal told me that this man gets a copy of my
statements. They said my address shouldn't be on it, but if
there's a mistake and he happens to see it sitting on a
table… see, I'm worrying about things like that that, things
are maybe not even going to happen. So, it's a possibility
that I might want to move after this. Not far. Close enough
that James doesn't have to go away from his friends, but
just move to a different address for our safety. I need to feel
safe.
The Family Liaison explained to me that they were finished with their side of the investigation, and I would now
just be dealing with the court staff, Victim Information and
Advice (VIA). They explained who the VIA o cers were, and
what they would do.
The VIA O cer phoned and introduced themselves.
Because of COVID, they had to do everything over the phone
rather than meeting me. They were really nice to begin with
and said they would phone and update me every month. But
they haven't done that once.
They're supposed to phone me whenever there's a hearing to tell me what's happened, but sometimes they haven't,