HUSH - Book - Page 40
HUSH – Breaking the Silence | Victim Support Scotland
I've had to phone them. There are times that it's been
cancelled days before and they haven't bothered to tell me
at all. When these hearings are coming up, I get really agitated and anxious. I've explained to them how I'm feeling
when these are coming up, but they still don't let me know. I
feel as if I'm having to chase them. They just don't do what
they said they would do.
I said to them, "James needs to get over this as well.
James needs a bit of normality back. He needs this to be
over." Then, they said to me, "James can get over this just
now. He's not going to court. He can get on with his life." I
said, "I actually cannot believe you just said that to me."
They said, "What do you mean?" I said, “his dad's murderer is on remand and the court case is on the way, but
James is just to get on with it as if nothing has happened? I
actually cannot believe you've said that to me. I need to go,"
and I just put the phone down. I was so angry. No compassion. The way I describe it is that they're made of stone.
I think I will be a nervous wreck going to court. I'm quite
a strong person. However, that's a situation that I've never
been in, and the thought of standing up in that dock with
people round me, having to discuss my personal life, terrifies me.
I'm not an argumentative person, but if his solicitor
says something that I don't like, will I be so nervous that I
blurt something out that I shouldn't?
I don't want to see that man, the accused. I've never
seen his face and I don't want to. The VIA O cer said that I
can apply to get a screen put up. I said, "Oh, that's good,
then. I won't be able to see him, and he'll not see me?" They
went, "No, he'll still see you. He'll watch you on the telly."
But “Why should he still be able to see me?"
"He's got a right to see who's giving evidence against
him."
This man that's been charged, he's got more protection
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and more privacy than we've got. That's where the whole
system is wrong. I can't take a family member into the
courtroom with me, but the press can be there. That's not
fair. If my family or friends cannot be there to support me in
a courtroom, then I shouldn't have to sit in a courtroom with
the press.
They told me the media can't name James online
because of his age. They can't name him, but they're still
sitting there hearing it. He's got no privacy. The media can
name me. I feel as if I've got no rights, no privacy.
I would like the media to have to protect the family. It's
bad enough you have to go to court as it is, but to have no
privacy, the fact my child has no privacy, that's a big thing
for me. I have to stand up in front of this man and discuss a
child. I have felt a failure at times when I cannot protect him
from it. I've not been able to stop what's happened, and I've
had to watch him going through this, knowing that there's
not much I can do for him.
What I would like to say to the police, the court, the
media: remember that people are going through something
horrific. You're used to doing that job, but the people on the
other side are not used to this.
‘I think I will be a nervous wreck
going to court ...the thought of
standing up in that dock with
people round me, having to discuss
my personal life, terrifies me.’