VICDOC Winter 2022 - Magazine - Page 63
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P
articularly if you meditate, you may have
noticed the surprising imprints of things
that happen every day: the residue that those
nagging emails from your boss leave in your
mind; the restlessness stemming from the laundry list
of items you need to do; the anxiety over the number
in your bank account; or a general discontent from all
the things that maybe aren’t going exactly how you
want them to.
As meditators, we can see directly that these
imprints aren’t necessarily the problem. In meditation,
we get to know the rotating guests of emotions quite
well. But we also see that we can decide what to do
with them. Habitually, of course, when we encounter
an unpleasant feeling, we try to make it go away, or
avoid it, or simply wish it weren’t there.
But it is possible instead to make peace with these
undesired guests by meeting them with kindness.
Doing so can be an internal truce that lets the
incredible alchemy of the heart unfold in our
daily lives.
For instance, suppose your inner critic is judging
you for something you said or did. By developing the
capacity to meet your thoughts with kindness, what
once led to shame and that pit of tightness in your
chest might now be met with a kinder, warmer nod
of acknowledgment as you become aware of your
self-talk’s tone. You might reply, “Ah, anxiety, fear,
meanness, self-deprecation —here you are again,
my dear old friends.”
This kind, well-meaning approach toward our
hearts and minds helps us move in the life directions
we want to be going in while being more accepting
and compassionate about our setbacks, failures,
and habits of self-sabotage. The moment I began
to welcome my unwanted guests with kindness—
sending lovingkindness toward each thought, feeling,
and corner of sadness in my heart—is when I felt the
first taste of real healing in my life.
How might this work in practice? One method I
learned from my teacher, Diana Winston, is elegantly
simple. In your usual meditation, simply add a
few words to each time you notice your attention
wandering: May I meet this too with kindness.
Whatever comes up, repeat this phrase of lovingkindness toward your thoughts, feelings, or sensations.
Do it as many times as you need to, then guide your
attention back to the anchor of the breath once again.
Try this practice for the duration of your
meditation. See if you can notice how it feels to
meet yourself with kindness instead of judgment or
reaction. Perhaps, after you meditate, continue this
reflection in a journal. How does it feel when I meet
myself with kindness instead of judgment or reaction?
Let any answers flow onto the page.
And then, as you move through the day, try
repeating the same phrase – “may I meet this, too,
with kindness” – whenever you notice you are being
hard on yourself, judgmental toward yourself, or
unkind in any way. Often, learning to meet yourself
with kindness can feel like the medicine your heart
and inner life yearns for, especially if you’re used to
meeting yourself with all kinds of judgment and past
conditioning.
Finally, see if you can extend this intention toward
anything that happens in your day, or to anyone you
encounter, especially when things aren’t going the way
you would like them to. Lean into the intention to
meet all that is here with kindness.
Meeting what is present with kindness teaches
us the profound lesson of letting go into our human
experience, even into the unwanted stuff. It is
ultimately a practice of radical inclusion toward
ourselves, toward other people, and toward the
challenging experiences of life. It keeps us from
fighting our unwanted thoughts, memories,
idiosyncrasies, and experiences, and gives them the
room to be here. This simple spaciousness is the
doorway into the heart.
––
Amanda Gilbert is a Trained Mindfulness Facilitator
with UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Research Center
and InsightLA , and a Certified Meditation Instructor
with The Chopra Center for Wellbeing. She is a
Qualified Mindful Eating Mindfulness-based
Eating Awareness Instructor and trained in
Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction.
Reproduced with the permission of Ten Percent Happier
VI CD O C WI NTER 2022
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