American River Review 2022 - copy - Flipbook - Page 42
waters never did serve Ma well and
always got her in more trouble than
we could fix.
Ryker lit a cigarette and took a
long drag, blew rings one at a time.
Must’ve blew out six, maybe seven of
them. Then he walked over, slow, his
boot heels thunking on the floor with
each step. He bent down in front of
Ma. “What you gonna do? Ain’t got
Gram’s shoulder to cry on no more.”
He flicked ash onto Ma’s robe. “Seems
to me all you got left in this world,
Margaret Miller, is me.” He took
another long pull and blew smoke out
the side of his mouth before walking
out the back door.
Ma burst into tears and I held her,
let her cry. All those days she sat by
Gram’s bed; all those trips to all those
doctors; all those pills we tried and
tried to make Gram’s heart beat right;
all those days of not knowing if every
choice she made was gonna make
Gram worse or better came crashing
down on her
“He’s wrong, you know,” I said,
once her crying turned to hiccups.
“You got me.”
This time, she didn’t talk about me
not understanding the ways between
a man and a woman. She didn’t tell
me about the way Ryker once took
her to Dawson’s Steak House; how he
had some lady singer sing her favorite song. She didn’t talk about the way
Ryker always “Yes, Ma’amed” Gram
or how he built Gram that wheelchair
ramp out the back door. She didn’t
say nothing about how things’d been
getting better, how it was her fault,
how Ryker was a good man just had a
hard life. She just sat there staring at
the fan, watching it go back and forth
in a big fat “no,” like it couldn’t take
one more excuse neither.
By the time night come, Ryker
started feeling bad for all he done. He
drank some beers and made Ma her
special sweet teas. Even went to McDonalds and got us all dinner. He let
Ma sleep alone in her bed and fluffed
up my pillow and got me another
one when I said it hurt to lay flat. But
them waters were still roiling, deep,
deep inside me and I knew they was
never, ever gonna leave again. I let
him stick that pillow behind me, let
him say goodnight and turn off the
light, let him play daddy because I
done made up my mind. Knowing
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what I needed to do gave me a calm
the likes I ain’t never felt before.
I didn’t figure everything would
come together like it did. Turns out,
the police move mighty quick when
their sights are set on an ex-con.
“You guys stay put,” Ryker said as
he pushed away his breakfast and got
up from the kitchen table to see who
was at the door.
I almost couldn’t keep from laughing when Walt said, “I can see you in
the window, Ryker. Answer the damn
door.”
Ryker turned the knob and Walt
pushed hard, the door giving an awful bang against the wall.
Walt took in the room, two papers
dangling from his left hand. I could
tell he was trying to keep his face flat,
as he took in me and Ma, our faces
looking spongy, like bad fruit on a hot
day. “You two okay?”. “We’re alright.
Just banged up is all,” I said.
Walt nodded and them papers he
was holding started crinkling inside
his fist Two officers blocked the
doorway. Walt snapped his fingers
at Ryker and pointed at the rocking chair in the corner of the living
room, next to the TV.
Ryker’s eyes took a quick left, then
right and I could tell he was fixing to
run, but decided against it when Walt
said, “There’s four more officers out
front. Two more out back. Think it
through, son.”
Ryker said, “You can’t even be in
here without a —”
“A warrant? I’ve got two,” Walt
said, glancing at Ma and then back at
Ryker. “One for this house and one
for your truck. Now take a seat. We
might be a while.”
The bigger of the two officers
crossed to the kitchen, grabbed a
chair and straddled it backward,
blocking the hall and watching Ryker
like he’d fire Ryker up good if Walt
gave him the okay.
Walt handed the warrants to Ma
and said, “I’m sure sorry about all
this, Ma’am. We’ll start with the truck
first.”
Ma and I watched through the window as them officers swarmed like
hornets around Ryker’s Ford. It wasn’t
until they started feeling under the
wheel wells; it wasn’t until I saw that
gray duct tape being ripped away; it
wasn’t until I heard the cop shout,