ARR 1988 - Flipbook - Page 54
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Tuesday morning crept slowly and quietly in through the bedroom
window, bringing sunshine and one incredible hangover, which was usually
associated with Tuesday mornings, or Saturday mornings, or Thursday
mornings. As Tony lay in bed, slowly finding consciousness oozing through
his body, sluggishly coming to grips with the more primitive, minimum
effort, low mileage (we're talking the economy model) thought process, still
trying to decide whether the inside of his mouth tasted more like a rotting
pair of gym shoes or the standard "back seat of a Yellow Cab" feeling mixed
with the smell of a petroleum refinery, a thought struck him head on: "What
am I going to do today?"
It was a small, almost insignificant little pip of a thought, but in
consideration of the amount of Tequila and beer he consumed the previous
night, that thought was, in perspective, a veritable brainstorm. And, as of
yet, he had no answer to this monumental molehill of a question. He knew
at once he would need to sleep on it.
Hours later, just as the sun was coming overhead, bringing the most
intense heat of the day, scorching lawns and gardens everywhere and
generally being the nastiest G-star in this solar system, Tony decided it was
now time to rise, to meet the fresh new day, to greet the world with a bright
shining face, no matter how much he happened to resent ... what? The Bright
Shining Face idea? The World in General? In any event, Tony knew the day
would not wait for him, nor would Larry or Pat, but seeing as they were his
"amigos de la fiesta de Jose Cuervo y los hermanos del Budman," Tony knew
they would be rising from the dead about now, wondering if there was a
toothpaste on the market by the makers of "Lime-away," then breaking their
fasts on a nutritious, satisfying meal of a cigarette, a Pepsi, and a day-old
jelly doughnut, as he was now preparing to do. He lit the cigarette and
carefully sized up the doughnut, studied the relative angles, so as not to take
the wrong bite into the jelly doughnut, the bite that would cause a phenomenal amount of "sloob" to ooze through that little hole, then rest like a
raspberry-flavored jellyfish upon his new shirt, or only pair of clean pants.
After making a successful start into the doughnut, he silently thanked his
geometry teacher, for without the special mathematics he had adapted for
such purposes, he would have had a red jellyfish on his leg. He also thanked
the Phillip Morris Company, as well as the makers of Jolt Cola, not to
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