INTHEBLACK May 2022 - Magazine - Page 65
STORY NICOLA HEATH
H
ow comfortable are you with admitting you are
wrong?
If the prospect makes you squirm, you are not
alone. The desire to be right is a common human
impulse, and one that leadership expert Hamish
Thomson tackles in his new book, It’s Not Always Right
To Be Right.
In the book, Thomson relates a story about how a pitch
he initially thought successful ultimately failed. Later,
when reflecting on why his proposal – which had a
strong business case – fell flat, he realises that even the
best, most foolproof ideas can fail under the weight of
conflicting agendas.
The experience taught him that what is truly important
is not to be right, but to achieve mutually agreeable
outcomes, build strong and enduring relationships, and
stay true to your values.
These measures of success often require compromise,
or even walking away from your position, no matter how
correct. “Small compromises,” says Thomson, often lead
“to an enduring and tremendously beneficial partnership
for both parties”.
“Great leaders have the humility to admit a mistake
and have insatiable curiosity,” says Thomson. “They enjoy
when other people come along with a new perspective
that is different from theirs.”
THE PROBLEM WITH ALWAYS BEING RIGHT
Always speaking first in meetings, criticising others’
points of view and displaying defensiveness to feedback
are typical behaviours exhibited by people who believe
they are always right.
“You might notice a lot of ‘I’ and ‘my’ in their
language”, rather than the more collaborative “‘we’ and
‘our,’” observes Anna Marshall, author and director of
People Mastery.
An overpowering desire to be right limits diversity of
thought and kills innovation. “If you think you have all
the answers, then you don’t actively go and seek out
other perspectives,” says Marshall. “You get a sample
of one, which is just your opinion and no one else’s.”
In this scenario, says Thomson, talent development
falls by the wayside. “Good leaders need to develop
unlocked potential,” he says. However, “if you’re always
right, you’re never going to provide freedom or
autonomy for those around you to develop”.
When a leader constantly shuts down the people
around them, a common response is to stop contributing.
“Nobody challenges you,” says Thomson. Team members
avoid initiating discussion or offering new ideas “because
they lose every time. People get resigned to inertia.”
In this tense environment, relationships also suffer.
Someone who is uninterested in others’ opinions considers
“being right or wrong as a one-off transaction,” says
Thomson. When relationships are viewed this way – where
there is a winner and a loser in each interaction – there is
an absence of trust and, consequently, “you’re never going
to get breakthrough results”.
“Great leaders have the humility to
admit a mistake and have
insatiable curiosity. They enjoy
when other people come along
with a new perspective that is
different from theirs.”
HAMISH THOMSON, LEADERSHIP EXPERT AND AUTHOR
ADDRESSING THE BEHAVIOUR IN OTHERS
Marshall advises being strategic in the way you broach
the subject with someone who needs to be right in every
situation.
“When you’ve got someone who thinks they are always
right, it’s going to be hard to give them feedback in a way
that they will take well,” Marshall says, recommending an
“I statement” structure.
“What you are saying is how what’s happening is
impacting on you …[and] how that’s making you feel,
which is less likely to evoke a defensive or hostile reaction.”
Marshall offers an example: “When I don’t get a chance
to air my views, I feel undervalued. What I’d like is a
chance to share my opinion on the subject.”
WHEN THE PROBLEM IS YOU
Recognising this trait in yourself requires a high level of
self-awareness borne from honest self-reflection.
Ask yourself, “When do I get the best results?”, advises
Thomson. Reflect on whether you have had any
breakthrough or transformational ideas, the depth of your
relationships and whether your networks have grown. Ask,
“Have I developed my team and those around me?”, “Are
they flourishing?”, “Are they being promoted?”.
A reluctance to admit fault is another red flag, and one
that limits growth. Owning up to a mistake is a learning
opportunity that “makes your ideas, concepts and
thoughts so much better”, says Thomson.
To address this tendency in yourself, identify
circumstances that trigger the offending behaviour and
replace old habits with new ones. “An example might be,
‘When I’m in a team meeting, instead of putting my
opinion forward first, I will sit back and ask two other
people for their opinion first’,” offers Marshall.
Another strategy Marshall proposes is to make it a
habit to proactively seek alternative views. Regularly ask
your team, “What’s wrong with my idea? Who thinks
differently about it, or what’s an opposing viewpoint?”
Set yourself stretch projects to push through the limits
of your knowledge, experience or capability into territory
where you don’t have all the answers. Thomson calls this
the “30 per cent rule”, where it is impossible to achieve
an objective based on your current thinking or beliefs. “It
forces you to look externally and to get someone else’s
views, which are different to your own,” he says.
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