LAND OF THE LIVING MAGAZINE - Magazine - Page 39
SONG STORY
Originally titled ‘Sovereign.’ I sat down at the
piano with a book called, “Every Moment Holy,” by
Douglas Kaine McKelvey and stumbled across this
title that drew me in like a fifteen pound weighted
blanket: Death of a Dream.
I knew it was a song I needed to write as every
line was describing our story.
I felt like Abraham who had been barren all his life
and waited so long to see this word from God of
him becoming a father to the nations become
reality, all for God to tell him to put it back on the
altar. He had experienced 100 years of infertility,
when God breaks his barrenness and gives Sarah
& him a child named, “Isaac.” Years later, God
then asks Abraham to sacrifice his son. Literally…
death of a dream.
A promise that if killed, wouldn’t just annihilate
you & I, but even Jesus on the timeline of history.
The disoriented effects of this unexpected promise
killed would prohibit redemption for all mankind.
But God knew what He was doing in testing
Abraham’s heart and both proved faithful. As he
lifted the knife, he heard the ram’s cry. God
provided the sacrifice instead. A total prophetic
picture of what Christ was coming to do on the
cross for us. This song glides on the beauty in
suffering never being the suffering in contrast to
the One who sits with us in it. It deals with the
complications of friction between our expectations
for and the actuality of the God we love even when
life does things we don’t like. Realizing that our
dreams are actually not in competition with His
plans. If we would let go, we’d find more than we
could imagine.
Honestly sovereignty is never a word I ever
imagined to use in a song. That word has such
negative connotations for frequently being seen as
a stance similar to this: “God is to blame for every
bad thing that happens on earth.”
God has no limitations, but He didn’t create us to
be robots. He was the least controlling person on
earth so sovereignty isn’t saying that God wanted
your loss, death, and suffering to happen or that
He is the one who caused it. Sin existing in this
world proves that not all things that happen are
the direct actions of God. He had the power to
save Himself from death on the cross and refused
to ask the angels to rescue Him…meaning just
because He holds all of the power, doesn’t mean
He uses it. It shows that He harnesses His power
for righteousness and our best.
I like to look at sovereignty as the silver lining in
all of our stories. It’s looking back at your life and
saying, “Wow God, You knew just what You were
doing in me, around me and for me.”
It is God fighting for your good. Just because He
permits something, doesn’t mean He takes
pleasure in it happening. In those cases, you can
rest assured, He is there full of empathy and
regard for where you are through every stage of
grief in the process.
Then and only then can you take delight in the
sorrow because He is there as ‘Comforter’ in every
step of the way. He is the hope for
our tomorrow.
In this song, I asked our dear friend and Pastor,
“Philip Herndon” to be featured singing as God’s
voice singing back to my song and prayer. So
many times worship songs are one way, but the
breakthrough in any storm or trial is God breaking
through the noise and speaking and singing back
to you.
His Word is what I live for in the aches of major
changes. His say on the matter is what matters. So
the back and forth dialogue of this ending is what
takes it to the top. It was fun dismantling the
systems that make it so difficult and taking a
break from the more traditional scene in worship
music. It’s different. It’s honestly something I’ve
never seen done before. It’s almost confusing but
it's worth blurring the lines just a little bit, to hear
His voice in the process. After all, finding His voice
in the storm can feel just as chaotic. Until He
speaks, seasons of sorrow can feel like drowning.
But when you hear that still small voice, it can
carry you through the seasons of disappointment
like a boat on water.
With vaporous musical accompaniment from
Antonio and Allison on strings, it ends with one
longer instrumental. This musical medley can
simultaneously become a liturgy and act as sort of
a devotional aid in communing with God.
I hope this song isn’t only pleasant,
but I pray it lingers.
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