PAW MarchIssue - Flipbook - Page 56
R
egardless of how confident I may appear
there are many things that have compromised and/or challenged that veneer. I’d imagine that
to be true for many of us. Over a lifetime of introspection it is only now that I can begin to see the light at
the end of the tunnel. It is only now that I can understand how the “demons” a loved one holds deep can
be transmuted to an offspring. Pain, be it wittingly or
unwittingly at the end of the day still hurts. I never
understood what exactly made me feel “less than” or
“not good enough” or not “pretty enough.” I didn’t
understand the culture of the times or the double standards as it related to being a girl and what she was not
capable of. The messaging whether purposely or not
would serve to undermine the very growth I sought.
The messaging was clear, boys and men are just
smarter!
I recall the times I’d listen to teachers as they described the features of the Negro. Mind you, this was
the mentality in the 50’s and 60’s in America; and even
that was an improvement from the 30’s and 40’s! We
all had wide noses, thick lips, body odor, big buttocks
and were not capable of being as intelligent as our
Caucasian counterparts. And therefore needed to be
treated as such. I’d sit there thinking…”they can’t be
talking about me.” But they were. And it hurt. Particularly given that there wasn’t another Negro in the class
that I could establish strength and connection with. I
think this was the first time I became aware of what
feeling “less than” was about. In my eyes I felt like I
was just like all the other kids in my class. I didn’t see
them as Caucasian or as White kids. They were my
friends as far as I was concerned. I recall my kindergarten class photo. The photographer meticulously
placed each of his 35 charges where he wanted them.
34 Caucasians, 1 Negro. I so saw myself as one of
them that as soon as he pressed the shutter I changed
74 THE PRO-AGE WOMAN March Issue
