PAW MarchIssue - Flipbook - Page 57
position so I could stand out from everyone else! The
only time children see color is when an irresponsible
adult points out that there’s a need to. Yes. Racism is
taught!
It occurred with such normalcy and consistency
that I ingested it and over time sure enough I began to
believe it to be true. Children learn what they live and
as a direct result they will model what they see whether it be good or bad. Unfortunately, I chose the latter
and saw the ravages it played on my daily life.
It didn’t help that in my family life there were
landmines to avoid as well. For example, finding out at
the tender age of 16 that my father and my grandmother were alive and living in the same city I grew up in
and not even remotely interested in having that all important familial connection. To understand that my existence was totally taboo because I was born out of
wedlock in 1949; then to add being a girl, black and
poor. Most of the kids I knew had a Mom and Dad but
I was the wayward exception. Yes, my Mom was wonderful to me and for me yet she was also a product of
the very same reality and had to find ways to cope and
to raise her family to the best of her ability. Even if
that meant sins of omission in order to protect the
family from shame and/or prying eyes with wagging
tongues. I was 33 years of age when I saw my birth
certificate for the first time! To say I was flabbergasted
at the name on it is an understatement. I’d spent 33
years as “Baby Hicks.” Yes. First name Baby, last
name Hicks. Hicks was my Mom’s maiden name
which explained why I could never locate my birth
certificate though I’d been searching for it for years.
Messaging. Sometimes the reveal comes much
later in life as it did for me. As I began to peel away
the layers, the secrets, the lies it began to crystallize
that my perception of myself was rooted in a system
that had no respect for my being in the first place. For
my Mom to accept my birth certificate as Baby Hicks
indicated to me that she too suffered from the same
maladies I faced. I can only imagine that she felt
March Issue THE PRO-AGE WOMAN 75
