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true friendships sometimes have growing pains. There will be moments when we find ourselves in
conflict and need to figure out what to do in the midst of it, right? We need to learn how to grow
deeper as friends through difficulty, rather than allowing it to break the closeness.
Recently, a friend and mentor accused me of something that made my heart incredibly heavy.
I didn't see it coming and didn't understand how she thought that of me. I literally felt sick all day
and went to bed early with a migraine. My thoughts and prayers swirled through the afternoon and
evening hours as I went first to God, and then to my husband and dearest friends, placing this
person's accusation at their feet for examination.
"Here's the evidence, look at it. Sift through it, dig deeply," I told them. "Did I do this? Am I
doing this?"
I was doubled over in anxiety as I asked the Lord and my friends who know me best to share
honestly. I wanted to know the truth so I could grow and ask forgiveness if indeed this accusation
was true. Because if so, I had some serious heart-searching to do. What I was being accused of is
not the type of person I want to be.
I called my best friend to tearfully vent, and toward the end of our phone conversation, she said
something like this:
"You need to stop and seriously ask God to show you the insides of your heart. Lean into it,
even if it's hard and yucky. Who are you at the core, really? Ask Him, being honestly willing to
hear His response. Take time in silence with the Lord and go through everything in your mind like
you're unpacking a suitcase...taking items out, one by one. Let Him show you if there is sin here."
Gosh, what wise advice. I just love having friends that are deeper and wiser than I.
I am still completely and totally devastated. And truthfully, I am really embarrassed that
someone would think this thing of me. But I don't believe I did what she has said. I did take my
heart to God, and I’m okay with what He unearthed in response. (Not that I don't need to grow in
areas, of course. We all need to grow, right?)
If I were laying my story next to David’s here in Psalm 59, though, I’d tell you quite honestly,
I felt that this person was ready to attack. And she did, to some extent.
Let’s look again at Psalm 59:3
See how they set an ambush for my life.
They’re fierce men ready to launch their attack against me.
O Lord, I’m innocent; protect me! (Passion)
In this situation with my friend, I was worried she was going to start spreading her thoughts
and lies through our mutual friends. I was afraid she was going to post it on social media and
disrupt my ministry. I was scared, and, like David, I felt ambushed.
Yes, my situation is tame compared to David’s situation. Thankfully, I don’t have mercenaries
stationed outside my home just waiting to kill or capture me the moment I walk out my front door.
What I do have though, is a situation where I was afraid the lie was going to swirl around and
touch many aspects of my community and influence.
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