GodsDesign Sampler FULLSAMPLER-compressed - Page 58



How and When to Tell Your Kids about Sex
Children.22 Talking to c­ omputer-­savvy fellow church members can help
you find out where to get the latest information.
Consider also using a program that logs and records all activity on your
family or child’s computer, keystroke by keystroke. Make no mistake about
it; these programs spy on their users. Parents we know who have used such
programs are thankful they did it. One parent discovered that her ­thirteen-
­year-­old daughter had e­ -­mailed nude photos of herself to an Internet site;
another discovered long transcripts of her ­fourteen-­year-­old daughter in
sexually explicit dialogue with anonymous conversation partners. The parent confronted with such material has to work through this seeming violation of trust and intrusion into what the teenager meant as a “private” part
of his or her life. This is a small price to pay to intervene early to protect
and redirect your teen from a serious problem.
Respond to problems. Be controlled in your response if you discover your
child has used or is using pornography or is involved in cybersex. Do not
overreact and tear down your child’s character. Tackle the problem: Make
the issue the unacceptability of the pornography or other offending action
itself, the values portrayed, and the meaning of the messages presented. If
you discover a problem, hopefully it simply requires direct discipline and
renewed focus on accountability and the other strategies discussed above.
“Physician, heal thyself.” It bears noting that many men struggle with
online pornography and sex addiction. Such problems create deep wounds
in a marriage, wounds of broken trust, betrayal, shame, loneliness, despair,
and jealousy.
Hiding or denying such problems does not help. They require confrontation, confession, and resolution. In this area, it is best to move immediately to engagement with others who can provide resources, information,
and structure for dealing with this terrible problem. Again, we hesitate
to suggest specific ministries and organizations because of the inevitable
changes they go through. Speak to your pastor, a Christian counselor, or
other knowledgeable sources for specific guidance.
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