Healthy+5Winterspring2024spreadsfinal - Flipbook - Page 20
Loving someone with a
substance use disorder
Tips for supporting a loved one in recovery
while taking care of yourself
W
atching someone you love struggle with a
substance use disorder (SUD) is one of the
most difficult things a person may have to
endure in their lifetime. Fraught with emotions ranging
from frustration, guilt, and helplessness to fear, shame, and
yes, anger, it’s an exhausting and challenging experience.
For many, feels like it will never end.
According to Chad Foster, LICSW, the Lead Site Therapist
at SaVida Health in Bennington, VT, “When someone with
an SUD’s behavior begins to impact the life of a family
member or other loved one—be it stealing, not showing up
as promised, being aggressive or even violent—it’s easy for
the loved one to question whether the person even loves
them. What they need to recognize is that the individual is
having a hard time even loving themselves in the moment.
Their actions aren’t about hurting you; they’re about
feeding their addiction. They are so wrapped in the pain
that that need creates that they can’t even consider the
consequences of their actions beyond whether or not it
gets them what they need in the moment.”
Moving toward peace through compassion and
communication
Foster, who provides one-on-one counseling to individuals
with SUDs, as well as family counseling to those individuals
and their loved ones, says it’s important for loved ones to
look beyond what the person is doing and try to consider
what’s driving the behavior. “Very often,” he says, “the
choice to begin using is motivated by a desire to escape
some sort of pain. The source of that pain may be very
obvious—like growing up in a physically or verbally
abusive home—or it may be an event that loved ones aren’t
even aware of . . . in fact, the individual who’s using may
18 | HEALTHY+ | WINTER–SPRING 2024
“Being willing to make changes yourself
will not only benefit you emotionally,
it will also demonstrate that change
is possible . . . that old patterns can be
broken and things can get better.”
—Chad Foster, LICSW, SaVida Health
not even understand what’s driving the behavior. But,
recognizing that there’s more to the situation than what
you see on the surface is an important step in helping the
individual feel safe and comfortable in your presence. That
alone can open doors to honest communication that can
provide a level of peace to all involved.”
Be the change
In his experience, Foster finds a lot of people tend to carry
guilt related to their loved one’s SUD. “It’s easy to find and
focus on the moments when the circumstances in your
life weren’t the best or maybe you weren’t as present as
you now realize you needed to be. But when people tell