Healthy+5Winterspring2024spreadsfinal - Flipbook - Page 21
me they feel like a failure, I always ask, ‘What do you think
you failed at?’ That child or partner or parent is still here
and so are you. That’s far from failure. What you have to ask
yourself is what are you doing now that’s different? Are you
finding ways to be more present, more patient, or whatever
it is you need to be? There’s a saying, ‘nothing changes if
nothing changes.’ Yes, the individual with the SUD needs
to make changes; but being willing to make changes
yourself will not only benefit you emotionally, it will also
demonstrate that change is possible . . . that old patterns can
be broken and things can get better.”
Loving fully from a distance
It’s important to recognize that every individual’s recovery
operates on its own timeline. Just because you’ve made
changes, doesn’t mean others will keep pace. And, as Foster
notes, sometimes patience isn’t enough.
“Love does not require you to support someone’s
unhealthy behaviors at the expense of your own wellbeing,” he says. “Your life is as important as the indivdual’s
who is struggling. You can’t allow yourself to be pulled
down physically and emotionally by their SUD. If it gets to
that, you need to draw some lines to protect yourself. That
doesn’t mean withdrawing love and compassion, but it
may mean setting some boundaries for what you’re willing
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