Flip book - Page 180



Schtick
J . e . w. i . s . h .
THE FISHING TRIP
A man called home to his wife and said, “Honey, I have
been asked to go fishing with my boss and several of
his friends. We’ll be gone for a week. This is a good
opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been
wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for
a week and set out my rod and fishing box?” “OH!
Please pack my new blue silk pyjamas.” The wife
thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being the good wife
she is, did exactly what her husband asked. The
following weekend he came home a little tired but
otherwise looking good. The wife
welcomed him home and asked if
he caught many fish. He said, “Yes!
Lots of salmon, pike and perch. But
why didn’t you pack my new blue
silk pyjamas like I asked you
to do?” The wife replied, I did,
they’re in your fishing box”.
Why don’t Jewish mothers drink?
Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
When the doctor called Mrs.
Liebenbaum to tell her that the
check came back, she replied,
“So did my arthritis.”
There was a very gracious lady who
was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country.
Is there anything breakable in here?”
asked the postal clerk. “Only the Ten
Commandments,” answered the lady.
Evening Prayers
When young David was asked by his father to say the
evening prayer, he realized he didn’t have his head
covered… so he asked his little
brother Henry to rest a hand on his
head until the prayers were over.
Henry grew impatient after a few
minutes and removed his hand. The father said, “This
is important...put your hand back on his
head!” to which Henry exclaimed, “What
am I – my brother’s kipah?”
The Real Florida Jewish Directory 2020
Miami-Dade.-Palm Beach 139- 198.indd 178
LORD & TAYLOR
Three Jewish men arrive in New York from Europe and
decide to meet again in twenty years to see how they
all made out in America. Twenty years pass…
The first man asks the second, “Nu, how did you
do?” He replies “Well, you
know when I came to this
country, I had no idea what
to do with myself to make
a living. So I looked at my
last name GOLDSTEIN. So, I
went into the GOLD business
and oy, did I make a
FORTUNE!” “Nu? How about
you?” he asks. “Well, like you, I had no idea what I
was going to do in this vast country to make a living
so I took my last name, SILVERBERG and I went in
the SILVER business and oy, did I make a FORTUNE!”
So, they both turned to the last man, “And you? What
happened to you?” So the third man said, “Well, I
too had no idea how I was going to make a living
in America, so I looked at my last name. TAILOR, I
said. That’s no good. I’ll never make money as a
tailor. So, I went to Shul and prayed. I said, G-d, if you
make me a wealthy man, I promise to make You my
partner”. The others asked, “Nu,
so what happened?” The man
replied “What’s the matter?”
You never heard of LORD &
TAYLOR”?
The Matchmaker
A Jewish matchmaker singing the
praises of a female client brings an
eligible young man to see her. He
takes one look at her and turns away to
whisper to the matchmaker. “You said
she was young, and she’s 50 for sure… You said
she was beautiful and she’s ugly as sin. You said
she was shapely and she is big
enough for two, you said…
“You don’t have to whisper”,
says the matchmaker, “She’s
also hard of hearing.”
178
www.RealFloridaJewishDirectory.com
1/7/20 12:42 PM





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